It's been a realisation long coming. I knew it, mentioned it derisively a couple of times, yet deep in my heart, I was in denial. Like a child, I made disparaging comments in the hopes that someone would call me on it and lay out the compelling evidence refuting my plaintive claims.
Alas, as with most childhood illusions, I have to face the unbearable bleakness of reality.
We have lost the ability to care for others. We have lost sight of what makes us human, in the superior intelligence formed from cynicism.
I used to think cynicism was equivalent to intelligence. The ability to question, to reason and thus to make a confounding judgement that astounds oneself was a desirable trait. Only in hindsight do I realise that questioning without reason, contrariness without a true understanding of self and the inability to see around our own ego is a most unfortunate affliction.
Unfortunately, it is an affliction that is growing.
As I grow older, more vulnerable and thus, humbler (I hope), I realise that the willingness to believe takes more courage than the propensity to doubt. And the desire to use cynicism as an excuse to relinquish responsibility is a worldwide epidemic.
Many years ago, I read an article about a celebrity couple in Korea who had kept their acts of charity a secret. When asked their reason, they confessed that they feared the public backlash. What? The public would whup your arse for being charitable? My mind boggled as I wondered about the cultural differences in Korea.
A few weeks later, I read another article where Korean netizens had started an anti-site (apparently this is hate website in Korea) where the celebrity couple was lambasted for using their charitable acts to garner public relations. Well, colour me wrong and the celebrity couple ruefully right.
What in the world is wrong with people that being charitable is now an act of shame? And in case you relegate this to a Korean oddity, many of the comments supporting this whacked and bigoted philosophy came from outside of Korea.
I thought then that it was a darn shame.
And then Renci happened in Singapore. After the NKF debacle.
I remember feeling very disappointed with Renci. Not so much with NKF as I had been disillusioned with them a long time ago but even I could not have predicted the extent of their moral and financial corruption. The disconnect with Renci was deeper. Although I did not have much to do with them, except for helping out once with an art auction to raise funds on their behalf, I had always considered them a much more credible, kinder and genuine alternative to the government-run or backed organisations.
Perhaps I am naive as I always thought Buddhists were much kinder, nicer people than the norm.
But the real crime that Renci committed was not even the misappropriation and mismanagement of funds. It was that they killed the public's faith and trust in all charitable initiatives.
This was driven home recently when I had a conversation with a taxi driver. Even after so many years, he announced proudly that he refuses to donate to any local charities because they are all corrupted like Renci. Instead he donates yearly to a temple in Thailand that provides burial for the destitute.
While I fully support and understand his chosen charitable endeavour, it disturbed me that he adamantly refused to acknowledge that Singapore needs any charitable aid.
Even when I recounted an incident where I inadvertently helped a blind man in selling his tissues (thus realising that not all blind tissue sellers are part of a syndicate nor are they under any subsidy or aid), Mr Taxi Driver scoffed that there is no one who requires aid in Singapore.
He is very wrong.
There is a rising number of homeless in Singapore, especially after the economic downturn and the requisition of HDB flats due to mortgage defaults. There is a rising number of jobless despite the photoshopped statistics. There is a rising number of destitute people in Singapore. There is a rising number of people who blind themselves to the rising poverty by hiding behind the security of cynicism.
Why? Because giving to charity so close to home means you have to accept that your decisions have had repercussions. And the lack of fanfare and public adoration for helping one of your own cannot compare to the shining marvel of overseas outreach.
It truly bothered me that Renci and NKF have given the Singapore public such a wonderful excuse to abdicate public responsibility; to proudly don the mantle of indifference.
Yet Singaporeans are not unique.
A clearer example would be to look at celebrities. Why do we look towards them.
In this case, it is because they are there. Easy targets with all their linen, dirty or otherwise, blatantly open to our scrutiny. It is perhaps easy to forget that celebrities began as normal people too.
I was watching a TV programme which featured Toni Braxton. I was not really paying much attention since she was not singing until I caught bits of her conversation which included the words "chronic pain", "misdiagnosis" and alluded to a long period of not knowing what the hell was wrong with her.
Huh, sounds like me.
Then she mentioned she had lupus.
Say what? I almost fell off my chair. She has lupus??? Like me? But she looks so well. I pouted that her face looked fine. And then I caught myself. I had just perpetuated what was often done to me.
Prejudgement. Suspicion. Lack of understanding. Superficial pigeon-holing. And what was worse ... I should know better.
Lupus is often called the unseen illness, unless you have discoid lupus, which would then be very apparent but is often misunderstood as extremely poor complexion. Or are badly afflicted by arthritic rheumatism which can also be apparent and is often mistaken as freakism and then people give you a wide berth. Especially if you look too young to be so afflicted.
I immediately paid more attention to Tonix Braxton and then I saw the signs. She was quieter and her energy level was muted. She displayed signs of physical hesitancy beneath her game-face. She had cut her hair extremely short.
Hello, girlfriend, I know what those mean.
We tire easily. We have lost a lot of the physical agility and strength we used to have which has diminished our confidence is undertaking the simplest of physical exertion. We cut our hair or cut down our hair care routine because we are losing so much hair we shed more than a dog. We fear that we are starting to look like chemo patients so cutting our hair salves our downtrodden vanity.
The empathy I felt towards her prompted me to google her. And I was disappointed and irritated to see the number of naysayers. I did not even know she was part of a reality show featuring her family, which has garnered her some criticism in using lupus as a publicity measure to raise ratings and revive her career.
For the love of ...
What sane person would wish lupus upon themselves? You would be better off taking a mallet and bashing your own head in. If she wanted to gain public attention, she would have been better off doing a Kim Kardashian (or however you spell her name) by shagging and wedding some tall athlete then divorcing him in the time it takes to take the NorthEast train from Harbour Front to Buangkok. Maybe faster in light of the chronic MRT snafu.
Today, I read a magazine which featured Paula Deen. I do not know much about this culinary celebrity, having only seen her a couple of times on some cooking programme. But my general impression was that she was loud, Southern and cooked decadent food. So, it was with some surprise that I found out that she was Type 2 diabetic.
My first thought was to wonder how she managed to cook such decadent food if she was diabetic.
Which, again, proved that I am a judgmental and ignorant idiot.
After reading the article, I realised that Type 2 diabetes is not necessarily caused by diet. And that Paula Deen had changed her lifestyle around after her medical diagnosis. And like Toni Braxton, had been a victim of pubic backlash.
Again, for the ever-loving love of ...
The poor woman went through a period of self recriminations where she wondered if her culinary choices had been the catalyst for her illness. She had obviously beaten herself up enough that the public should just lay off. She had to give up her sweet tea, for heaven's sake, which is a huge thing for a Southern girl! And even if her collaboration with Novo Nordisk was not a happenstance of coincidence, it really makes sense for her to work with them. Why would anyone begrudge her promotion of life-saving medical advances and accuse her of doing it for money? Does anyone seriously think she contracted diabetes so she could get rich? Or richer? Are you stupid, insane, ignorant or all of the above?
This is not like Jenny Craig where she gets paid to lose weight. She is getting paid to stay alive and if she uses the collaboration to further her own health, more power to her. Staying alive despite a life crippling illness is a natural prerogative that even animals strive for. Whatever scandals she has been involved in, whether through her own doing or inadvertently, it does not change the fact that she has a medical condition that deserves our compassion. Judge her moral compass however you want, but at last have empathy that she is a human being suffering as well.
I have only one thing to say to those insular and mean-spirited naysayers.
Piss off.
Reading the interview gave a glimpse into this woman's struggle to maintain her passion and love for food despite the new limitations. Even if she is disingenuous in some ways (not saying she is although her out-spoken Southern ways and success may inspire some haters), you can tell she is making lemonade out of lemons. Good for her. I am still trying to do the same and only wish I was as capable.
All these gave me much fodder for stewing. I brooded over the sheer stupidity of human beings. It was made worse by the fact I was a contributor with my own asinine misconceptions and swift first impressions.
My only saving grace was my fast retraction and acceptance of my own idiocy. And the follow-up to understand more and to ponder. So I can be a better person. And learn what it is to be human again.
With this disease, I feel the disconnect growing daily. I fear losing my humanity to despair and self-indulgent self pity. Reminding myself that it is not all about me and that there is more to the cosmos is a daily struggle.
If we lose the ability to empathise and to care, we might as well be dead.
I am not a better person than you. I am just trying to be a better person to you.
Can you try to reciprocate please?
And extend that to people we think are so much better off than us that we cannot even empathise with their suffering. Can we lose the blinkers of jealousy and resentment and pride for a while? Maybe just 15 mins a day so we can look at others with some softness in our hearts? If we cannot perform any acts of charity, can we at least have some charity of spirit?
If you look at me, could you spare 15 minutes of humanity?
I promise I will do the same.
